I wish I could teleport
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
