so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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