THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
