I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
