"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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