I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
