ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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