I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
