And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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