Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
