He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
