Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
