If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
