I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
