planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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