I love black thongs
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
