Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
