In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
