i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
