i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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