Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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