Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
