96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
