Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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