dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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