yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
