He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
