I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
