the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
