but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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