i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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