I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
