Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
