a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
