I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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