no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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