The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
