Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
