Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
