Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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