the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
