Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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