I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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