i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
