It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
