I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
