its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
