Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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