I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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