This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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