i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
