my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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