Can Purell be used as lube?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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